As friendships move out of the playground and onto the internet, Sara Howard examines the latest thinking and offers some ground rules for children's use of social networking sites.

Hands up, who uses Facebook? It seems most people fall into the love it or hate it camp, and I'll confess I'm definitely in the former.

But when should our kids start using social networking sites like Facebook, MySpace, or even those designed for children? Now that my eldest has suddenly become addicted to Club Penguin, and made 'friends' with Pretty7829, should I be setting rules about it?

Social networking sites are just another way for us to communicate, chat, and share all the minutiae of our lives.

But for impulsive children and teens, who generally don't tend to think beyond the next minute (let alone the consequences in years to come) there are risks in over sharing. And there is also potential risk to their brain development and sense of identity, according to some neurologists and researchers.

Look at me, look at me!

Some believe that social networking sites are creating a 'look at me' generation who need constant reassurance that they are being listened to and are important.

Baroness Susan Greenfield is a widely published neuroscientist who recently visited Australia to share her thoughts on the rewiring of our kids' brains.

She believes that the brain can be altered by spending hours in front of the computer screen, getting thrills and excitement without danger and consequences. Her fear is that the "mid-21st century mind might be almost infantilised by short-term attention spans, sensationalism, and a shaky sense of identity."

In her new book, ID - The Quest For Meaning In The 21st Century, Greenfield says that if we spend more time in the two-dimensional cyber world, we'll have less time to build real-world relationships, conduct face-to-face conversations, and develop a "sensitivity to voice tone and body language."

Rule number one: Time, please

This doesn't mean that social networking sites are inherently dangerous. In fact, for some kids they can have tremendous benefits - shy children, for example, can develop communication skills and confidence in a 'safe' environment.

But, like any other screen-based activity, we do need to put limits on the amount of time our kids spend using these sites. And make sure they are also spending their waking hours playing in real-life with their friends - not just instant messaging them.

Rule number two: Think before you click

Thinking about the consequences of what you share is also an important lesson we need to teach our kids. Once you post something online, you can't take it back.

Remember the locked diary you kept as a teenager? Imagine posting it online for the world to see. Cringeworthy and incredibly embarrassing, right? But we only know that with hindsight, which our children don't have.

Although many sites allow you to delete posts, some people will already have that unwise rant stored on their computer. And it could potentially damage a future career, shock teachers or destroy friendships.

Even US President Barack Obama had something to say on this at his recent address to Wakefield High School students in Washington; "Be careful what you post on Facebook. Whatever you do, it will be pulled up later in your life".

Rule number three: It's OK to be there too

Some parents believe that 'spying' on their kids social network pages is like rifling through their bedrooms. It isn't.

Facebook is nothing like your child's bedroom. First of all, strangers don't enter their bedrooms - but they can befriend your child on a social networking site. Secondly, whatever goes on in the bedroom is not recorded online, potentially forever, in front of hundreds (or millions) of people.

Rosalie O'Neale, Senior Advisor with the Australian Communications and Media Authority (ACMA), says that the one thing they stress to parents right from the start is "Stay involved. With sites aimed at younger kids, sit with your child when they register. Look at what information they are putting in, what information is public. Set up an account for yourself so you can see what they can do.

"Some teenagers won't talk to their parents if something bad happens online, because they're afraid they'll lose the privilege of using it," says O'Neale. So keep the communication and involvement going later on too. Be honest - and don't embarrass them with baby photos, or use status updates to tell them off in front of their friends!

Rule number 4: Keep tabs on those friends

The ACMA's research has found that kids on social networking sites tend to move in two phases. Younger children (aged 10 or 11 and under) play with their peer group. "It's mainly about fun, gaming and entertainment," says O'Neale. "But once they start high school it becomes a socialising activity. There's an increased danger of meeting friends that they really don't know."

So to reduce the stranger-danger risks, start teaching your kids sooner that they should only 'friend' people online that they actually know in real-life.

Rule number 5: Read those privacy policies

Before your child signs up to a social networking site, read through those privacy policies carefully. Yes, I know they are not exactly riveting, but they do tell you exactly what your rights are as a parent, what you can do to control the privacy settings, and most importantly whether the site is appropriate for your child's age group.

Did you know that Facebook and MySpace can delete profiles of kids aged 13 and under? If your pre-teen is desperate to hang out online with his or her friends, start with sites designed for them. Club Penguin, Ekidna World and Moshi Monsters have a controlled chat function. Superclubs Plus is a closed network site that's popular with schools around Australia.

As we know from our own experience, social networking is like a party. It's only fun if the people you want to hang out with are there. So if you can get your child and all their friends onto one safe site, everyone will be happy.

Like everything else that technology brings, we can't ignore or ban social networking sites. "What we've found is that it's almost self-evident, internet use is now integral to kids' lives and kids going online are younger and younger," says O'Neale. "They use these things intuitively and creatively. Parents and older siblings can be great role models, and it's important to stay involved."

What do you think? Are your kids on social networking sites? Which sites work for your family and what rules have you set? Share all below! And please send any suggestions for future tech topics to editor@webchild.com.

About the author:

Sara Howard is a freelance copywriter who helps businesses of all sizes get their message across. In between running the Australian office for international copywriting group Writers, she also finds time to run around the park with two energetic little boys.